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                                                   Studio Journal

Entries in Sacred Time (13)

Saturday
Jul122008

What Brings Us Home

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When I was in law school I had a little upstairs apartment that was something of a dump, but charming nonetheless.  In the diningroom window I placed this lamp so that I could see its warm glow when I came home at night.  I recently found it while cleaning out cabinets, and, for once, I was glad I didn't throw something away.

It's funny how the small things help us remember who we are, and sometimes those memories keep on bringing us home.        

Saturday
Jul052008

Reverencing American Symbols

Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

I am a card carrying member of the ACLU because civil liberties are the fulfilled American promise of freedom.  Do you know how precious American freedom is and how amazing the minds and hands from which this promise came to us?  Do you know the passion and perserverance of the birth of this dream of freedom we experience and take for granted daily?  If you do I doubt you will forget, and you will understand why I would defend a person's right to burn an American flag when I deeply love the symbol.  Below is my favorite 4th of July story based on the work of James Parton entitled "The Story of 'The Star-Spangled Banner' which appears in The Book of American Traditions edited by Emyl Jenkins.  I read it every 4th of July, and it brings good tears to my eyes and reminds me of my thrilling good fortune to be an American in communion with the characters in this story.  

The British, now our greatest friend and ally, was still seething in 1812 over America's Declaration of Independence and victory in the Revoluntion.  After defeating Napolean the British headed for America to right a wrong and take back the colonies.  The coast bustled with preparation to once again face the mother enemy, especially at Ft. McHenry, two miles south of Baltimore.  This was to become the place of American testing and the birth of great American symbols.

The people of Ft. McHenry, under the leadership of Lieutenant-Colonel George Armistead, strengthened its fortifications with resolve to meet head on the challenge.  While men put additional guns into position the women of Baltimore joined in the preparation by making a gigantic star-spangled banner to fly over the fort.  As is often the case, the men sought to make it work and the women sought to make it inspired by beauty.    

Mary Pickergill, with the help of her daughter, made the flag out of four hundred yards of bunting.  Thirty by 42 feet, it was too large to spread anywhere but in the malt-house of a neighboring brewery.  Mary's daughter at age 76 remembered her mother's resolve:

"I remember seeing my mother down on the floor placing the stars.  After the completion of the flag she superintended the topping of it, having it fastened in the most secure manner to prevent its being torn away by balls.  The wisdom of her precaution was shown during the engagement, many shots piercing it, but it still remained firm to the staff...My mother worked many nights until twelve o'colock to complete it in a given time." 

Seven thousand British showed up on September 11 landing 12 miles below Baltimore.  Three thousand militiamen from Maryland and Pennsylvania withstood the attack while British vessels moved up the river, anchored at Ft. McHenry to begin attack.  The bombardment was to last 24 hours.

Francis Scott Key - poet, lawyer and unlikely witness to the battle - found himself squarely in the middle of the action having gone to Baltimore to speak with British Admiral Cockburn under a flag of truce to secure the release of Key's aged family friend, Dr. Beanes,  from the British.  Cockburn denied the request but detained Key on board a frigate Surprise until the conclusion of the battle. 

The arcs of fire raged all day and into the night as Key and several other Americans watched from the deck of the enemy ship.   The day passed to night,  and the anxiety of the Americans mounted with their inability to tell who was winning the battle. 

"Suddenly, about three in the morning, the firing ceased.  As they were anchored at some distance from the British vessels, they were utterly t a loss to interpret this mysterious silence.

Had the fort surrendered?

As they walked up and down the deck of their vessel in the darkness and silence of the night, they kept going to the binnacle to look at their watches to see how many minutes more must elapse before they could discern whether the flag over Fort Mchenry was the star-spangled banner, or the union jack of England.

The daylight dawned at length.  With a thrill of triumph and gratitude, they saw that 'our flag was still there.'  They soon perceived from many other signs that the attack, both by land and sea, had failed and that Baltimore was safe."

This moment in time inspired Keys to take from his pocket a letter upon the back of which he wrote his feelings.  Several days after the battle Keys' poem had been printed and distributed around Baltimore, and an actor and soldier named Ferdinand Durang selected the tune of an old English song, "To Anacreon in Heaven", written in 1772 by John Stafford Smith, to accompany the poem.  It took.  By the 1890's the American military had adopted the song for ceremonial purposes to be played upon the raising or lowering of the flag.  By 1917 the military designated the song as the "national anthem" for ceremonial purposes, and on March 3, 1931, President Herbert Hoover signed a law passed by Congress declaring it our official national anthem.

Mary Pickergill's flag remains today at the Smithsonian.  It is now 30 x 34 feet, having lost eight inches and one star to battle and time.  But it remains.  And we remain.

Friday
Jul042008

For Safety and Happiness

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness....

...with a firm reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."

Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, July 4, 1776

Tuesday
Mar182008

A Date With Easter

"It's too early for Easter" whines everyone this year, "why, there aren't any flowers blooming to flower the nave..." and so on we complain about a March 23 Easter.  While Easter can occur any time from March 22 through April 25, this is the earliest it has been observed since 1913.  Spring has barely arrived; who wants to celebrate the "Feast of Spring" while there is still the possibility of snow? 

Blame it on The Council of Nicea.  In AD325 leaders of the Christian world got together in Nicea at the invitation of the Roman Emperor Constantine to figure out what to do about the Arian Controversy (which was, basically, a fictional disagreement over whether Jesus did or did not, at some point, exist).  Three hundred or so Christian clerics showed up to decide what they did not and could not know - better known as to develop the party line so everyone could agree on what the "truth" would be.  The "truth" that was voted in became the basis for the Christian statement of faith appropriately entitled the Nicene Creed.  

Besides deciding the "fact" that Jesus always existed, making the Arian Controversay into the Arian Heresy, the Council also tackeled huge issues like prohibition of self-castration, deciding when to kneel during the liturgy and setting a date for celebration of the Resurrection.  While they probably got the self-castration issue right, they really messed up Easter.  Too bad they couldn't make it simple and say the first Sunday after April 21 or some such date.  Instead they decided on the following:

 The first Sunday after the full moon following the vernal (spring) equinox, which is now fixed at March 21.  

Ask any ten Christians how Easter is determined, and see if more than one or two can tell you.   Better yet, ask any ten Christians if there was ever a time when Jesus did not exist, and see the alternating blank stares and responses.  But let me warn you, people get a little sweaty about this issue, and overly orthodox religious leaders get downright mad about it.  So brace up for some irrational conversation if you enter that arena and recognize that people argue best over what they do not and cannot know.  It would also be wise to recognize that some of your poll participants may direct and manipulate you in the sweetest of ways by telling you that what they want you to do is God's will.  They know, you don't, because God told them, not some heretic taking a poll.  

Least you think me irreverent or a heretic, I am a Christian, and I will clean the stripped altar on Good Friday in accordance with the established date, but I may or may not be at an Easter service to recite the Nicene Creed.  What I can assure you of is that I have your number and know that you are psychotic if you tell me what God's will or plan is for my life because I know manipulation when I see it. 

So thanks guys, bundle up and have a happy Easter.

Tuesday
Mar042008

Spring Wishes

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What do you wish for in the sunlight of a new Spring?  Make your wish and blow real hard!!!  It might come true.

Thursday
Feb072008

Feralis

On Ash Wednesday we are called to remember that we came from dust and to dust we will return.  Ashes from the previous Palm Sunday - what seems a lifetime ago - were made into a cross upon our foreheads last night, claiming us as feralis, belonging to the dead.  A poem by (whomelse but) Edna St. Vincent Millay reminds me of the keenness of death, a concept one cannot appreciate until one surrenders to dust all that is left of a beloved soul amid memories of "answers quick & keen, honest looks, laughter, love" when we know, at last, the best is lost.

Dirge Without Music 

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

 

Friday
Dec142007

But For the Grace of God

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This is a sad Christmas for me.  My soul is simply in shreds from the effort to unattach from people and places that have meant so much to me for so long.  I considered having no Christmas tree.  Surely I could not sift through ornaments that reminded me of all the happy times now gone.  The strands of pearls, the burgundy, pink and aqua balls and the precious sentimental ornaments that are tiny works of art - many gifts from loved ones who know how much these things mean to me - the angel that tops the tree bought when I lived in Cloverdale in Montgomery when I did not have the money but needed it so as a symbol of hope.  

But I realized that to abandon the tradition of the tree would be to forego beautiful memories and reminders of things I hope I never forget...how to celebrate, how to show gratitude for the blessings of my life and how to continue to live.  The tree has always been a precious work of art for me, something to honor all that my family means to each other and a glimpse of bliss.  A tree should virtually take one's breath away.  In years past it was decorated with animal cracker boxes saved from when my niece and nephews were little, a bow from the first Auburn/Alabama game played in Auburn, little music boxes and carousels, lots of hot air balloons, candy canes, many angels...almost anything beautiful and whimsical that would fit on a tree. 

Unlike Sally in When Harry Met Sally, I did not drag home a big tree.  Instead I got a small cypress and decided to use only those ornaments that have the most meaning.  One of my dearest Christmas ornaments is a little mailbox I have had since about 1985 or '86 which reminds me of a time, many years ago, when I had lost everything in my life and was very sick.  I could only earn a living delivering newspapers.  While this experience is not on my resume, it is on my tree, and it is perhaps the one  greatest reminder of humility and God's miraculous grace that has visited my life. 

Inside the mailbox is a folded note that reads "Christmas 1999...end of the millenium and Robert Boyd Dillard is born."  My nephew.   

Funny how Christmas trees are living symbols of who we were and who we are.  This Christmas I struggle with what to pitch and what to keep.  I will keep the mailbox ornament.  It will mean more to me than it ever has, and digging around to find that memory - and remaining attached to it - is proof that I am still looking for and expecting miracles.     

Thursday
Dec132007

Redhead of Christmas

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Saturday
Dec012007

Birthday Reflections: The Best Is Yet To Be

 

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"Grow Old Along with Me, the Best Is Yet to Be"

                                                        Robert Browning

Tomorrow is my birthday and the first Sunday in Advent which is the liturgical church's new year.  If you are like me, birthdays are mile markers that make you reflect on where you have been and where you want to go.  Birthday reflections are a joyous and pleasant custom during good times; during bad times birthday reflections might resemble emotional housecleaning for those who wish to survive to see another birthday come around. 

It is a marvelous day today.  The sky is clear, the temperature moderate and the sun brilliant.  While listening to NPR and blowing leaves off the roof  I  reflected on the previous year of my life, clearly the worst year of my life, and despite it all and an irreverent sense of humor, I came to some joyous conclusions concerning what I hope for the coming year. 

What I hope for is nothing short of truth, beauty and love. 

Truth:  My mother taught me that I should say nothing if I could not say something nice and to worry about what others think.  This principle has its appropriate time and place, but, more importantly, my father taught me that saying nothing in the face of cruelty and hypocrisy is tacit approval of same.  They both taught me that truth is an objective standard that exceeds whatever I want or what makes me feel good.  AA teaches that those who are incapable of being honest with themselves cannot and will not acquire sobriety with or without drinking, and those who do acquire sobriety can maintain that blessed state only through rigorous (scrupulously accurate) honesty in their dealings. 

Beauty:  My mother taught me to be practical and clean.  My father taught me to marvel in the joy of the senses.  It took me a lifetime of defending sensual beauty to finally be able to vocalize a response to self-righteous moral pricks who don't get it.  Beauty is not materialism; it is but a reflection of God's twinkling, swelling, radiating glory - an hors d'oeuvre of our heaven home, a ray of pure brilliance breaking free of the eternal energy to touch the earthly dimension and show us, in mosaic form, bits and pieces of the final image.  Beauty is an accumulation of small pieces of Truth that makes us feel good.  Beauty is found in more than sight.  It can be perceived by any of our senses and found in any of our values or principles.    

Love:  Love is as indefinable a word and concept as obscenity and it is commonly a word used in vain .  In 1964, Justice Potter Stewart in Jacobellis v. Ohio struggled to define "hard-core" pornography, or what is obscene, and in so doing came up with one of the Supreme Court's most famous standards: I Know It When I See.  Love is like this.  Hideous cruelty occurs under the guise of love; control is coerced; freedom is denied; people are used and destroyed like disposable objects - even the very object of  love is destroyed by actions we have the nerve to call love.  Even Love's sisters, Truth and Beauty, are betrayed and denied.  Religious bullies routinely talk about loving their neighbors as themselves while they wait in the bushes to ambush.  So it seems that in reality love has routinely become "what I want right now, damn it".  But real love...well, I know it when I see it.          

In the coming year I hope to view the interactions of this life I am given through the lens of what matters and try to speak and hear the truth, seek and find beauty, give and accept love while exposing myself to positive energy sources.  I hope to ask and receive, knock and have the door open so I can go inside and find the best that is yet to be. 

Thursday
Aug092007

Sail On, Honey

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Happy Birthday, Chuck.  Sail on honey; good times never felt so good....

Photograph used by permission of SAILING Magazine