While I love liturgy and the Episcopal form of worship, for a long time I have been left a little numb by Christian teachings, and I have wondered if what I hear in church is really all there is. So much of Christianity is based on “because the Bible tells me so” when I don’t understand what the Bible is saying, and teachers of Christianity seem to be as clueless as me. Authority is man-made, and demands for Obedience are suspect. People who talk about what God wants and what his plan is, etc., etc., make my teeth hurt because I know that they are pushing their grandiose, mentally ill self-agendas.
What a pity if I am led by mad men, influenced by delusional thinking and seduced by evil. What a tragedy when I fall prey to snipers hiding in church bushes uttering the mantra “love your neighbor as yourself” while plotting ways to destroy my soul.
While she has her beauty and charms, ultimately The Bride of Christ is, at worst, mean and stupid; at best she is dull and clueless. Who would want to marry her? I'll tell you who. Those willing to gain the world and lose their souls.
In response to what I have witnessed, I have grown in a direction of honoring the Mystery of it all because the trite use of scripture has actually made me question whether we know anything at all. I have seen tremendous pain in religious settings, and I know something is drastically wrong. Sometimes church goes way beyond not meeting one’s needs. Sometimes it’s like playing in a snake pit where being accepted and loved by the snakes is valued over comprehending the Kingdom of God. What the hell is this Abundant Life Christ came to give us? How do I get it? Did I not glimpse it before I went back to church?
Awhile back, in my endless quest for understanding, I ran across the writings of a Jesuit, Anthony de Mello, and I must admit, his writings simultaneously disturbed and intrigued me. I kept going back to his writings about Sadhana, a particular way to God, and I have finally found something that allows my sleeping western brain to make sense of Christianity.
From A Practical Sanskrit Dictionary, Sadhana (Sanskrit sādhanam ) is a term for "a means of accomplishing something" or "spiritual practice" or "exertion”. Its goal is to acquire spiritual realization such as enlightenment, pure love of God, or liberation, freedom from the pain of life and death. And whomever God is, God knows I need some freedom from the pain of life and death. I would go so far as to say that everyone I know does; we are one unhappy and controlling pile of people here in the home of the brave and the free.
Sadhana includes a variety of disciplines from Hindu and Buddhist traditions, but de Mello weaves in Christian principles, presenting a body of teaching that braids eastern and western concepts, blending them beautifully to provide a westerner with the eastern tools to understand the scriptures.
Sadhana is usually practiced with a guru or in groups, but I doubt I will find a guru or group in Opelika, Alabama. Still, I have the principles in de Mellos books, and I figure that if I could learn Photoshop from reading books, perhaps I can teach myself liberation with books.
I don't think I necessarily need to leave the Bride of Christ at the altar. But I do need to rethink this whole method of seeking I have pursued and consider keeping the altar and reconsidering a sole commitment to this particular bride.
Saturday, December 22, 2007 at 10:47AM 
