Rule of Threes

Dr. Martha Stout wrote the compelling book, The Sociopath Next Door, and everyone has been talking about it for awhile now because it simply captures our attention to realize that one in 25 persons is likely a psychopath/sociopath without conscience or shame.  Dr. Stout has excellent credentials.  She is a Ph.D. who served on the faculty of the Harvard Medical School for over 25 years.  She has seen countless people suffering from the trauma inflicted by these terribly disordered individuals who may feign a conscience but continue to leave a path of destruction through the lives of others.   

So how do you recognize a sociopath if you happen to meet one in your daily life?  Besides watching out for the pity play, Stout urges readers to practice what she calls "The Rule of Threes":

One lie or broken promise or neglected responsibility may simply be a misunderstanding. Two may involve a serious mistake, but "three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior."

Stout warns, "Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer."

Stout also says to pay attention to your instincts, even if the person advising you is supposed to be an authority; to be suspicious of extreme flattery; and to watch out if someone insists you "owe" him or her something because "you owe me" has been the standard line of sociopaths for thousands of years.  

If you do recognize a sociopath, Stout says, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid him or her. "Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance," writes Stout, "but in this case, I make a very deliberate exception."

Simply put, don't make nice with a sociopath.  Run, run, run like the wind.  Scan your environment for charm, charisma, flattery, lies and pity plays because these are the sociopath's stock in trade.  Most of all, know  someone a long time before letting them into your life.  In other words, don't automatically trust the new kid on the block.  And if you are the new kid on the block, expect to pay some respectability dues to earn the trust of your new community.