Histriopath/Psychotrionic

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is usually a girl thing.  These are the attention seeking, lying, manipulative, Drama Queens of the world who inappropriately sexualize relationships, wallow in emotion and work you like a change machine.  

In action histrionics can look like psychopaths.  They invented emotional manipulation and can and will lie to get what they want.  Self-centered, they take in stride stunts that would induce normal people to crawl in caves to hide from the pain of embarrassment.  They take no responsibility, claim they are victims and blame others for the soap operas they script.  Outgoing, charming and seductive, histrionics can work a crowd.  They invented "love at first sight" which creates great theatrics. 

Their motto is "so much attention, so little time" as they gregariously bounce back to glad-handing after dusting themselves off from their latest train wreck.  Destroyed lives lay in their wake as they script anyone but themselves as the blame for all the bodies.  They talk loud to draw attention to themselves, kiss ass, flirt and flatter, and, subsequently, despite potential social skills, often are ostracized for uncomfortable/inappropriate behavior.    

But here is where histrionics part ways with psychopaths.  They are gullible, shallow, needy, make rash decisions, and either fake or exaggerate illnesses.  Psychopaths are not necessarily people of high intelligence, but they are less needy, less physically ill, cooler and less bumbling than histrionics.  Tougher somehow and less likely to feign regret.

But are these personality disorders the same thing, just dressed differently according to gender?

According to Personality Disorders in Modern Life by Theodore Millon, Carrie M. Millon, Sarah Meagher, Seth Grossman and Rowena Ramnath "Some theorists have hypothesized that histrionic personality disorder and anitsocial personality disorder (psychopathy) are actually 'expressions of the same latent disposition' (Hamburger, Lilienfeld, & Hogben, 1996, p. 52).

What we observe superficially are only the gender-stereotyped behaviors of the same underlying pathology. As Widiger and Spitzer (1991) argue, the differences we see in the distribution of personality disorders may be due to etiological factors such as different sex hormones that influence the final expression of pathology. Histrionic and antisocial personalities may be an example of such an effect. They may both represent expressions of the same pathology, and we are misconceptualizing them as two separate entities because their superficial expressions (the symptoms they outwardly express) are different."

What an interesting proposition, and what a break for bad girls.  The psychopath is more readily revealed; the histrionic more readily pitied.  While they both deliver a bite that kills.  If this is true we might see histrionics and psychopaths as caricatures of covert aggressive gender stereotypes.  Boys learn to win to get power.  Girls learn to seduce someone into taking care of them which is a different kind of power.  Each accomplishes the traditional gender objective through the same destructive means, just packaged according to gender.  You might say the psychopath is fake/dangerous masculine; the histrionic is fake/dangerous feminine.  We don't see the evil until it is too late because the delivery system suits our expectations.  The psychopath leads us into hell as a masculine force in control; the histrionic packs us a lunch of self-destruction as mother earth.  

I can see how gender roles might play out in the diagnostic process.  Here is an example.  In a probable diagnosis of histrionics, Dr. Joseph M. Carver at Counselling Resource evaluated some damaging traits packaged in stereotypical female behavior: 

"I have a 35 (could be 37: she changes her age frequently) year old sister (not by blood, but religion) that is a very skillful liar. In fact, she makes false statements and changes true stories into lies regularly. When anyone confronts her on the false statements made she starts cleaning the floor. Her children say that she is always cleaning the floors and walls for hours whenever she gets angry. If she is confronted by more than one person about false statements she pretends to begin bleeding from the nose, but I have yet to see blood."

We need to know more about character and mood disorders.  Gratefully a good body of literature is now available about psychopaths, and comprehension of motivation strains the imagination.  But our knowledge needs to go deeper to better decipher the overlap and co-morbidity of abusive personalities.  One can be strangled just as easily by a pink bow as by one that is blue.  

Pseudologica Fantastica: Dull and Common

When we were kids we called it "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire" but Dr. Sam Vaknin, self-proclaimed narcissist and author of Malignant Self Love, calls it Pseudologica Fantastica - way too pretty a term for such ugly activity.  it is hard for basically honest folks to comprehend people of the lie (a phrase coined by M. Scott Peck in his book by the same name).  Now everyone will lie to keep from being shot in the head, but there is a condition that goes beyond self-protection.  As my Daddy used to say, "He would rather climb a tree and lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth."  And I will never forget Judy W., a girl I knew through junior high and high school.  It was one pathetic attempt after another to illicit awe or pity.  We pitied her, all right, but not for her hard luck, rather how pathetic a liar she was.  

Dr. Vaknin's description might help us understand how controlling liars are:   

 "In 'Streetcar Named Desire', Blanche Dubois, the sister in law of the character played by Marlon Brando, is accused by him of inventing a false biography, replete with exciting events and desperate wealthy suitors. She responds that it is preferable to lead an imaginary but enchanted life - than a real but dreary one.

I exaggerate everything. If a newspapers publishes my articles, I describe it as "the most widely circulated", or "the most influential". If I meet someone, I make him out to be "the most powerful", "most enigmatic", "most something". If I make a promise, I always promise the impossible or undoable.

To put it less gently, I lie. Compulsively and needlessly.

All the time.

About everything. And I often contradict myself.

Why do I need to do this?

To make myself interesting or attractive. In other words, to secure Narcissistic Supply (attention, admiration, adulation, gossip). I refuse to believe that I can be of interest to anyone as I am. My mother was interested in me only when I achieved something. Since then I flaunt my achievements - or invent ones. I feel certain that people are more interested in my fantasies than in me.

This way I also avoid the routine, the mundane, the predictable, the boring.

In my mind, I can be anywhere, do anything and I am good at convincing people to participate in my scripts. It is movie-making. I should have been a director.

Pseudologica Fantastica is the compulsive need to lie consistently and about everything, however inconsequential - even if it yields no benefits to the liar. I am not that bad. But when I want to impress - I lie."

This concept leaves me pondering how a person is a thief of reality when he or she will lie to control another's perception of reality.  It's sad for the deceived and even sad for the liar.  You have to see it for the pathology it is and laugh at it to keep from taking it too seriously.  Ultimately the shock and awe of lies may be covering only a Blanche Dubois dull commonness.

Rule of Threes

Dr. Martha Stout wrote the compelling book, The Sociopath Next Door, and everyone has been talking about it for awhile now because it simply captures our attention to realize that one in 25 persons is likely a psychopath/sociopath without conscience or shame.  Dr. Stout has excellent credentials.  She is a Ph.D. who served on the faculty of the Harvard Medical School for over 25 years.  She has seen countless people suffering from the trauma inflicted by these terribly disordered individuals who may feign a conscience but continue to leave a path of destruction through the lives of others.   

So how do you recognize a sociopath if you happen to meet one in your daily life?  Besides watching out for the pity play, Stout urges readers to practice what she calls "The Rule of Threes":

One lie or broken promise or neglected responsibility may simply be a misunderstanding. Two may involve a serious mistake, but "three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior."

Stout warns, "Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer."

Stout also says to pay attention to your instincts, even if the person advising you is supposed to be an authority; to be suspicious of extreme flattery; and to watch out if someone insists you "owe" him or her something because "you owe me" has been the standard line of sociopaths for thousands of years.  

If you do recognize a sociopath, Stout says, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid him or her. "Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance," writes Stout, "but in this case, I make a very deliberate exception."

Simply put, don't make nice with a sociopath.  Run, run, run like the wind.  Scan your environment for charm, charisma, flattery, lies and pity plays because these are the sociopath's stock in trade.  Most of all, know  someone a long time before letting them into your life.  In other words, don't automatically trust the new kid on the block.  And if you are the new kid on the block, expect to pay some respectability dues to earn the trust of your new community. 

For Pity's Sake

"I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him."

~ From "The Sociopath Next Door", by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

I have never cared much for people who want me to feel sorry for them.   I want them to buck up, grow up and accept the fact that no one in life gets all they want or feel like they deserve.  You know the type.  They never got a fair shake, and they seek out the kind hearted like heat seeking missiles.

Ms. Stout knows the lure of the sociopath (aka the psychopath) and hopes to educate the rest of us to protect ourselves.  There are many characteristics one might see, but the best clue that you are dealing with a person with no conscience is a person seeking your pity:

"...the best clue is, of all things, the pity play.  The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness.  It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy...More than admiration - more even than fear - pity from good people is carte blanche.  When we pity, we are, at least for the moment, defenseless..."

Until sociopaths come with warning labels, Ms. Stout recommends:

"When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person's forehead as you will ever be given."