Peering At Annabelle

Annabelle Hydrangea (Hydrangea arborescens) beside the front porch through an iron looking glass of sorts...as white as white can be.

Happy Summer Blues

I wait all year for the Summer Blues, and here they come!  The garden is a paradise.

Aphrodite Energy

"It is important to establish a clear delineation between sensuality and sexuality. Sensual energy is what we often refer to as "Aphrodite energy." This kind of energy exists in both men and women, though in our experience women have a more natural connection to it. It is a very important kind of energy because it is empowering, it creates an intense experience of being alive, and it can provide a strong kind of connecting energy between two partners. It is quite surprising to learn how easy it is to be sexual and lack sensuality. When this sensuality is missing in relationship, you can have an active sexual connection and still feel sensually starved.......

You may yearn for it not knowing what it is that calls to you."

From Partnering: A New Kind Of Relationship by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone

Edwardian Bouquet by Floris

"On paper, this handsome chypre* has a classic galbanum** profile:  Fresh, bitter green, slightly musky.  On skin, it turns peculiarly and distinctly urinous with a curdled-milk smell, and would invite speculations on one's continence."

                            From Perfumes, The Guide by Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez

*a class of perfume with citrus top note and woody base notes derived from oak moss (a lichen that grows on the trunk and branches of oak trees and on the bark of decideous trees and conifers such as firs and pines) and ambergris (a secretion from the digestive system of the sperm whale).

**an aromatic gum resin found in a Persian plant found in the mountains of Northern Iran; mentioned in Exodus 30:34 as an herb used to make perfume for the tabernacle.  

Spiritus Contra Spiritum

Last Sunday Georgia National Public Radio ran a feature on The Spirituality of Addition and Recovery  on Matters of Faith. It was a wonderful feature covering more than Alcoholics Anonymous.

I believe that addiction is a far larger subject than drugs and alcohol. Upon achieving sobriety most folks become acutely aware of the fact that due to our suffering and compulsions we can become addicted to people, places and things - even processes and organizations. Hell, I have even known people addicted to AA, and I am surely addicted to NPR. There are love addicts, relationship addicts, sex addicts, religious/church addicts, food addicts, drama addicts, gambling addicts, shopping addicts, control addicts - you name it. You are probably looking at an addiction process when anything is done compulsively to ease pain when it destroys one's life and integrity, narrows one's options and is accomplished amidst lies and denial. Frightful, huh? This would include a great many activities not only tolerated, but celebrated, by society. In fact, work addiction is something to brag about, and there are relationship experts who believe that the "falling in love" relationship model in America is, in fact, addictive.

Alcoholics Anonymous has become the 12 Step model for any addiction you can imagine. And its bottom line is a spiritual approach. Not church. Not liturgy. Only a higher power.

Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, once called AA "utter simplicity which encases a complete mystery."

A 1961 letter to Bill from Swiss psychologist Jung was introduced in the NPR feature. Jung compared the addiction of a particular patient as a craving for alcohol that was "the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, the union with God." In a footnote Jung quoted Psalm 42:1, "As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God." Surprisingly Jung said "I am strongly convinced that the evil principle prevailing in this world, leads the unrecognized spiritual need into perdition, if it is not counteracted either by a real religious insight or by the protective wall of human community. An ordinary man, not protected by an action from above and isolated in society cannot resist the power of evil, which is called very aptly the Devil. But the use of such words arouse so many mistakes that one can only keep aloof from them as much as possible."

Jung coined a cool term to describe the use of the spiritual to fight alcohol addiction - spiritus contra spiritum - spirits against spirit:

"You see, Alcohol in Latin is "spiritus" and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum."

The Quick and the Dead (aka Haunting The Ghosts)

I  like to commune with saints, sinners and saintly sinners.  I believe I know some who came before and some who will come after me better than those with whom I drink coffee and carry on conversation daily.  One such soul is Edna St. Vincent Millay.  I feel a familiarity with her spirit, and our lives and deaths are something of a mirror with 44 days separating our individual occupations of planet Earth.  Our masks are similar; our experiences not entirely different; like all artists, our deep artistic feelings revealed not in who you see, but in what we produce.  

In the Spring of 1950 at the time I was conceived, Millay mourned the death of Eugen Boissevain, her husband of 26 years.  She was preparing for death at the age of 58 and voiced a fear of spring's rebirth as "shrinking from being hurt too much." She wrote to a friend, "I have already encountered the first dandelion. I stood and stared at it with a kind of horror. And then I felt ashamed of myself, and sorry for the dandelion. And suddenly, without my doing anything about it at all, my face just crumpled up and cried. How excited he always was when he saw the first dandelion!"

Not long ago I encountered spring's first dandelion, but I did not cry.  I photographed, captured and studied it.  But, then again, I am not drugging and drinking like Edna was during the spring she faced death.      

In October 1950 I was close to birth as I formed in my mother's womb while Millay shrank from being hurt too much, gave in to death and wrote her final lines, impressively objective despite the cloud of drugs:

I will control myself, or go inside.

I will not flaw perfection with my grief.

Handsome, this day: no matter who has died.

Millay the artist, reaching the end of her strength, likely found the atmosphere full of ghosts tapping and sighing on her window on that October evening in 1950.  The ghosts most certainly listened for reply, and she responded with a heart attack, falling from the top of the stairs at her home, Steepletop.  Her reply snuffed that lovely candle that had so famously burned at both ends; and she joined eternity with her beloved Eugen.  When found, her head was resting on a page of her notebook that contained the penciled draft of one last poem. The final three lines quoted above had a ring drawn around them.  Did she die of a broken heart?  If anyone could pull of such a thing, it would be Vincent.

Forty-four days later I was born, and I have lived 57 years to reach a point of understanding the value of ending a life refusing to flaw perfection with grief.  As such, I don't think Vincent would mind my borrowing her art to reply to the fading ghosts who tap on my window:  

My candle burned at both ends

til darkness stole the light

But oh my friend and oh my foes

That light will haunt your night...

I am pretty sure Vincent would like a good haunting.  

Southern Saudade

I am fascinated by words that do not translate into English.  These foreign words demonstrate, to some extent, differences in cultural values.  In one language a particular feeling has a word symbol assigned to it; in another no word symbol was created that hits the mark.   Take, for instance, saudade, a Portugese word that can be roughly translated to mean a vague desire.  

Do you ever have a vague, unquinchable desire?  This feeling may be human nature; it is, no doubt, a feeling we have down South, and we even talk about it outloud but do not have a word symbol to assign.  We just say "there's no place else on earth like the South," and we mean it with all our hearts.  Sometimes we say "Southern by the grace of God."  Born of history, lush landscape and heat, Southern sensuality evokes poignant feelings of love and loyalty.  The sweetness of screen doors slamming, the squeek of rockers on front porches, fans, homemade ice cream, old oaks, watermelon, laughter remembered, laughter anticipated, flickers of lightning bugs, memories carried in the distant train whistle, magnolias in blooms, roses in cemetaries, spring azaleas, the thick, lush heat of summer, memories of ancestors we never knew, a desire to pass on this intense loyalty to the next generation...  

As  A.F.G. Bell wrote in In Portugal (1912):

"The famous saudade of the Portuguese is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness."

An indolent dreaming wistfulness is a way of romancing a land/culture/history worthy of being romanced.  So I will borrow from the Portuguese and use their language to describe the Southern Saudade that smells like Confederate Jasmine in bloom and tastes like fried chicken, cornbread and iced tea. 

Pentecost Petals

The wind roared today; one would think it the beginning of March with tree tops bobbing and swaying.  This powerful force blew about the red rose petals on my front porch - remnants of my Pentecost Vigil - making for a most natural liturgical day of Pentecost.   

My most modern novena to the Holy Spirit was simply "Come Holy Spirit and please stay for awhile to work your magic."  I'm no fundamentalist.  I know that the wind is not the answer to my personal prayer.  But it looks pretty magical out on my front porch, and I'll take it as a blessing. 

Blessings to you on Pentecost.  May the holy winds blow into our hearts to reveal truth to set us free, light to guide our ways and love to restore our souls. 

Wielding A Sword For ECUSA

Concerning the possibility of the Episcopal Church sanctioning same-sex union ceremonies,  The Dallas Voice reports that Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori spoke optimistically about the possibility: 

"'I don’t think it’s going to happen this year,' Jefferts Schori said, adding that the national church’s General Convention undoubtedly will revisit the issue when it meets again in 2009. 'I think it certainly will happen in our lifetimes.'”

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It's hard being an Episcopalian in pockets of the deep South.  It's hard to be an Episcopalian anywhere thinking is discouraged.

This week my local Episcopal Church began a study of  Ray Vander Lann's Faith Lessons produced for the James Dobson Ministries.  It is a program that carries the viewer along on a tour of the holy land, referring to the Old Testament and deriving lessons of faith from the experience.  What most horrifies me about the study is the fundamentalist call to intolerance, the political call to take control of culture and the battle cry to get sinners (as defined by the Old Testament) under control least we all end up being punished for their sins.  This is Fallwellism repackaged. 

Examples of Fallwell der Lann teachings:

"God abhors abominations. An abomination was anything associated with the worship of other gods, or any behavior that distorted the standard of living God intended for humans.  Leviticus 18 included a list of improper behaviors such as adultery and homosexuality. As God demonstrated by sending the Flood and the judgment on Sodom and Gomorrah, he will punish those who practice these unlawful behaviors." [note:  a couple having sex during the time of a woman's period is one of the Levitical abominations Vander Lann forgot to mention here] 

and

"When we look at the history of Lachish, we realize how important this calling is: If we do not persuade our culture to obey the standards found in God's Word, God may send earthly judgment on the entire culture—not just those who persist in doing wrong."

and

"But imagine what would happen if every Christian became a shephelah person remaining faithful to God while actively confronting the evil around us. With God's blessing, we could effectively transform the world."

and 

"Law, education, music, politics, the Internet these are just a few of today's irons.  If Christians will seize these tools and combine them with their unique God-given gifts, there's no telling what kind of mark we can make on our world.

What kind of iron will you take hold of?"

and

"The battles are numerous. Pornography, injustice, abortion, and greed—these are just a few of the evils that we must defeat. These evils are deeply entrenched in our culture, making them difficult battles for Christians to fight."

It is most interesting that Vander Lann admits that " Jesus did not confront sin in the same way, but he challenged it nonetheless by sacrificing himself for others."  Yet the ultimate conclusion he draws is not that we should follow Jesus' lead, rather we should recognize that "God's standards for sin never change, he is just as angered by abominations today as he was during biblical times." 

I'm no Bible scholar, but I do wonder a few things.  Firstly, how does Vander Lann know what God feels?  Secondly, I do know that Christ did not mention abortion or homosexuality as sin.  A thinking person has to wonder if fulfillent of the law through the New Covenant did, in fact, change God's standards for sin.  I know that under the New Covenant  substance replaced form and Jesus taught that there is nothing that enters a person from the outside which defiles; rather things that come from the inside are what defiles a person (Mark 7).  And as for Christian politics, I think that there can be no doubt that Jesus taught us to seek the kingdom of heaven rather than take over the next election.

I joined the Episcopal Church because it is a church that does not teach its members to judge other people or get them under control by condemnation. It is the only church I know that teaches the love and tolerance of Christ, and it has traditionally taught members to think.  It recognizes that culture today is not culture of ancient Israel, and the Jewish Levitical code cannot be our standard for morality.  When I was confirmed I was pretty sure that no one would require me to wield the sword of the Spirit, so to speak. 

What to do?  Not much.  I will say what I think, and I will not financially support my local church as long as it engages in fundamentalist teachings; instead I will give my money to ECUSA.  I think that these are legitimate swords to wield in a free society.

Rule of Threes

Dr. Martha Stout wrote the compelling book, The Sociopath Next Door, and everyone has been talking about it for awhile now because it simply captures our attention to realize that one in 25 persons is likely a psychopath/sociopath without conscience or shame.  Dr. Stout has excellent credentials.  She is a Ph.D. who served on the faculty of the Harvard Medical School for over 25 years.  She has seen countless people suffering from the trauma inflicted by these terribly disordered individuals who may feign a conscience but continue to leave a path of destruction through the lives of others.   

So how do you recognize a sociopath if you happen to meet one in your daily life?  Besides watching out for the pity play, Stout urges readers to practice what she calls "The Rule of Threes":

One lie or broken promise or neglected responsibility may simply be a misunderstanding. Two may involve a serious mistake, but "three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior."

Stout warns, "Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer."

Stout also says to pay attention to your instincts, even if the person advising you is supposed to be an authority; to be suspicious of extreme flattery; and to watch out if someone insists you "owe" him or her something because "you owe me" has been the standard line of sociopaths for thousands of years.  

If you do recognize a sociopath, Stout says, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid him or her. "Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance," writes Stout, "but in this case, I make a very deliberate exception."

Simply put, don't make nice with a sociopath.  Run, run, run like the wind.  Scan your environment for charm, charisma, flattery, lies and pity plays because these are the sociopath's stock in trade.  Most of all, know  someone a long time before letting them into your life.  In other words, don't automatically trust the new kid on the block.  And if you are the new kid on the block, expect to pay some respectability dues to earn the trust of your new community.