Transparency

"It is not an easy thing to embrace ugliness with the sole motive of hope that in some unknown way a transformation into beauty might occur thereby.  But the myth of kissed frogs turning into princes remains.  Yet how does kissing the frog turn it into a prince?  How does the methodology of love work?  How does it heal?  I don't know exactly.  

I don't know because love can work in many ways, and none of them are predictable.  I know that the first task of love is self-purification.  When one has purified oneself, by the grace of God, to the point at which one can truly love one's enemies, a beautiful thing happens.  It is as if the boundaries of the soul become so clean as to be transparent, and a unique light then shines forth from the individual."

M. Scott Peck, M.D., from People of the Lie

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M. Scott Peck is one of my favorite writers, and People of the Lie one of the best reads ever.   Peck's quotation above reminds me of Matthew 6:22-23:

The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness.

To me, this speaks to just plain smarts, not really moral choices.  Seeing the difference in good and evil is possible for those with (single) eyes to see.   First we see truth, and self-purification begins as "the whole body also is full of light".   Now that's something to work with and, I suspect, the primary way that God illuminates us.   

I have not figured out how to kiss a frog just yet.  But when and if I do, will this hope for transformation into beauty be an act of joining in creation by painting with love?

Fried Green Tomatoes

Tonight I watched "Fried Green Tomatoes" again, probably my favorite movie.  It will always be the movie that takes me home.  I laughed and cried and remembered the lines I have learned from repeated viewings.  I simply more than know these characters.  I grew up with them; I understand them; I am one of these characters.

So everyone wants to know the answer to the burning question - what was the true nature of Idgie and Ruth's relationship?  Were they friends, family, lovers, soul mates or all of these?  They shared a home, ran a business together and raised Ruth's baby.  They worked, laughed and cried together, served as each other's defender and Ruth died to the sound of Idgie's voice telling a tall tale.  Idgie was, obviously, not your typical Southern Bell, more male than female, full of nerve and daring.  And Ruth?  Ruth was tangibly spiritual and just plain charmed.  On screen nothing is confirmed, but I assure you that they were everything any two people can be to each other. 

I know The Whistle Stop Cafe, a little knock about place in Alabama where iced tea and bar-be-que are still served over the sound of a train whistle.  The leaves still dance in the wind along with spirits from the past, and for eternity honey will be left at Ruth's grave with a note that says "I'll always love you.  The Bee Charmer".

Subtraction

Something I want to ponder in 2008 is the following:

In Four Steps to Wisdom:

You don't have to do anything to acquire happiness. The great Meister Eckhart said very beautifully, "God is not attained by a process of addition to anything in the soul, but by a process of subtraction." You don't do anything to be free, you drop something. Then you're free. 

                                                         Anthony de Mello quoting Meister Eckhart

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It does seem as if our natural instinct is to want to "Add To" our lives more stuff - more of everything we feel like we don't have or did not have at some formative stage of our lives.  More toys, more money, more attention, power, respect, love,  food, clothes.......you name it.  God knows we wear ourselves our accumulating.

But what if "Subtracting From" our lives really made us free?  What if we already have absolutely everything we need to be free and happy but for the stuff we have to step over and go around?  What if Mother Teresa was right and I could become convinced that the western way of life produces dire poverty of spirit?  What if I had the courage to refuse to run out to Target three days before Christmas to get gift bags, tissue paper and crackers? 

I will ponder these things in 2008, but since I have not yet acquired wisdom, I'm headed out to do some last minute shopping.

6 The Streak

                   

Auburn 17, Alabama 10

Sweet Home Alabama, you know what it means...

WAR EAGLE!!!

Awareness

A gem of wisdom from Anthony de Mello:

"What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you."

More wisdom can be read here.

Exposing The Bride of Christ

While I love liturgy and the Episcopal form of worship, for a long time I have been left a little numb by Christian teachings, and I have wondered if what I hear in church is really all there is. So much of Christianity is based on “because the Bible tells me so” when I don’t understand what the Bible is saying, and teachers of Christianity seem to be as clueless as me. Authority is man-made, and demands for Obedience are suspect. People who talk about what God wants and what his plan is, etc., etc., make my teeth hurt because I know that they are pushing their grandiose, mentally ill self-agendas.

What a pity if I am led by mad men, influenced by delusional thinking and seduced by evil. What a tragedy when I fall prey to snipers hiding in church bushes uttering the mantra “love your neighbor as yourself” while plotting ways to destroy my soul.

While she has her beauty and charms, ultimately The Bride of Christ is, at worst, mean and stupid; at best she is dull and clueless. Who would want to marry her?  I'll tell you who.  Those willing to gain the world and lose their souls.   

In response to what I have witnessed, I have grown in a direction of honoring the Mystery of it all because the trite use of scripture has actually made me question whether we know anything at all. I have seen tremendous pain in religious settings, and I know something is drastically wrong. Sometimes church goes way beyond not meeting one’s needs. Sometimes it’s like playing in a snake pit where being accepted and loved by the snakes is valued over comprehending the Kingdom of God. What the hell is this Abundant Life Christ came to give us? How do I get it? Did I not glimpse it before I went back to church?

Awhile back, in my endless quest for understanding, I ran across the writings of a Jesuit, Anthony de Mello, and I must admit, his writings simultaneously disturbed and intrigued me. I kept going back to his writings about Sadhana, a particular way to God, and I have finally found something that allows my sleeping western brain to make sense of Christianity.

From A Practical Sanskrit Dictionary, Sadhana (Sanskrit sādhanam ) is a term for "a means of accomplishing something" or "spiritual practice" or "exertion”. Its goal is to acquire spiritual realization such as enlightenment, pure love of God, or liberation, freedom from the pain of life and death. And whomever God is, God knows I need some freedom from the pain of life and death. I would go so far as to say that everyone I know does; we are one unhappy and controlling pile of people here in the home of the brave and the free.

Sadhana includes a variety of disciplines from Hindu and Buddhist traditions, but de Mello weaves in Christian principles, presenting a body of teaching that braids eastern and western concepts, blending them beautifully to provide a westerner with the eastern tools to understand the scriptures.

Sadhana is usually practiced with a guru or in groups, but I doubt I will find a guru or group in Opelika, Alabama. Still, I have the principles in de Mellos books, and I figure that if I could learn Photoshop from reading books, perhaps I can teach myself liberation with books.

I don't think I necessarily need to leave the Bride of Christ at the altar.  But I do need to rethink this whole method of seeking I have pursued and consider keeping the altar and reconsidering a sole commitment to this particular bride.

But For the Grace of God

This is a sad Christmas for me.  My soul is simply in shreds from the effort to unattach from people and places that have meant so much to me for so long.  I considered having no Christmas tree.  Surely I could not sift through ornaments that reminded me of all the happy times now gone.  The strands of pearls, the burgundy, pink and aqua balls and the precious sentimental ornaments that are tiny works of art - many gifts from loved ones who know how much these things mean to me - the angel that tops the tree bought when I lived in Cloverdale in Montgomery when I did not have the money but needed it so as a symbol of hope.  

But I realized that to abandon the tradition of the tree would be to forego beautiful memories and reminders of things I hope I never forget...how to celebrate, how to show gratitude for the blessings of my life and how to continue to live.  The tree has always been a precious work of art for me, something to honor all that my family means to each other and a glimpse of bliss.  A tree should virtually take one's breath away.  In years past it was decorated with animal cracker boxes saved from when my niece and nephews were little, a bow from the first Auburn/Alabama game played in Auburn, little music boxes and carousels, lots of hot air balloons, candy canes, many angels...almost anything beautiful and whimsical that would fit on a tree. 

Unlike Sally in When Harry Met Sally, I did not drag home a big tree.  Instead I got a small cypress and decided to use only those ornaments that have the most meaning.  One of my dearest Christmas ornaments is a little mailbox I have had since about 1985 or '86 which reminds me of a time, many years ago, when I had lost everything in my life and was very sick.  I could only earn a living delivering newspapers.  While this experience is not on my resume, it is on my tree, and it is perhaps the one  greatest reminder of humility and God's miraculous grace that has visited my life. 

Inside the mailbox is a folded note that reads "Christmas 1999...end of the millenium and Robert Boyd Dillard is born."  My nephew.   

Funny how Christmas trees are living symbols of who we were and who we are.  This Christmas I struggle with what to pitch and what to keep.  I will keep the mailbox ornament.  It will mean more to me than it ever has, and digging around to find that memory - and remaining attached to it - is proof that I am still looking for and expecting miracles.     

Redhead of Christmas

Satyam (Truth)

"Truth is righteousness. Righteousness is light, and light is bliss."

                                                   Sri Swami Sivananda Saraswati Maharaj

Dominus illuminatio mea

Oh God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light riseth up in darkness for the godly:  Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what thou wouldest have us to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in thy light we may see light, and in thy straight path may not stumble; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Book of Common Prayer, Page 832